Bad Feelings

I've always imagined myself being cheated on after a long-term relationship. Sometimes I would see myself being the one who is cheating.
It hurts when I imagine him cheating on me with someone else but I don't know why I kept the image going. It's like I want it to be real. And when I see myself cheating with some guy, I feel no guilt. In my thoughts, I know I have someone already but the actions I see myself doing is without guilt.
Sometimes I do feel like I want to be cheated on; to have my heart broken by someone who promised and swear that he would never do.

Movie and a Friend

Breaking Dawn was awesome! But I want to watch it again, only this time I'm going with Charlotte and her little sister. I need a girl time watching that movie. That way I'll focus more on the movie than the person I'm watching it with. Like the time I went with Harrison, I kept staring at him. Also, I didn't enjoy my last moments of the movie very well that time. I got upset when Harrison was making fun of the sad and scary part of the movie. He was being so insensitive that time. That is why I'm going with a friend so we could talk about the movie after we watch it.
Talk about being insensitive; Harrison was not sensitive about it at all. Just really sensitive when something upsets him in his own way.

Breaking Dawn

OMG! Today the new Twilight movie is coming out AND I will be out on a date to watch it. Hmm...I do want to go with my friends but this would the first time for me to be out on a movie date with him. I'm having doubts that he would like it and might have a bad time. He is the big macho guy and he probably doesn't like watching Twilight. Whatever it is, I'm still gonna enjoy myself.
But then again, I don't want my friends to be left out. I guess I can go tomorrow or on Saturday with my friends. At least we'll spend some time before some of us won't see each other again. Hehe..Best Friend's Forever.

Turning 15

It isn't really my birthday today. Yesterday was my birthday, actually. I was kinda unsatisfied this year on my birthday. Not that I was ungrateful or anything but I just felt lonely, y'know. I thought I wanted to go and cut my hair but I didn't have any money and I couldn't possibly ask from my mum. My parents don't care for anything insignificant as a birthday, unless if it's their birthday. I totally wanted to hang out with Charlotte like I always do on my birthday but I didn't have any credit to text her.
While Charlotte spent a normal day with friends and swimming, I spent my birthday crying in my room while left at home alone. I really thought of highlighting my hair green, add an extra piercing on my ear and maybe pierce my lip. I wanted to show of some rebellion. But all of that didn't happen.
Y'know, I'm glad Charlotte had a great time while I was crying. I just remembered that when I'm happy, others are miserable. But when I'm miserable, others are happy. That's kinda been my philosophy ever since I noticed it. I'm not glad when I'm miserable but glad others had a good time. That doesn't count my parents. If I'm miserable as hell, I'm dragging them with me.

BFF's Dilemma

Just yesterday, I found out Charlotte is going to break up with her boyfriend, Carl or Trevor (we don't know his real name). She says there's no use of being boyfriend and girlfriend if the can't see each other. They both agreed on it and decided to break up but the guy doesn't seem to be ready. So, now I'm not sure if they already are.
Y'know, that guy doesn't have deactivate his FB account. I mean, how else is she going to talk to him? The only number she got was his mum's number. I guess they could connect through a mutual friend like Nadiya but misunderstanding could happen. I really want them to get back together so I thought of inviting both of them to a barbecue party I'm going to,  just so they could spend some time together ad work things out.
The problem is, Carl -or Trevor- is in Singapore and Charlotte probably has no way of contacting him. That is so sad. I hope he gets some time off from working around Christmas so he could REALLY spend some time with her. That would so sweet and so awesome.

Desperate or Over-excited? II

Continuing from the previous post. I did ask Harrison about the almost-getting-engaged thing, through text and he admitted that it was true. However, his story connecting to her changes a lot, especially the one about him going to Bitangor but I'm not going to talk about that. So, he said it was true, it happened because his parents asked for it and the"engagement" was a bust because his ex's family didn't like his family's position. Now, he's grateful that it didn't went well because he got to meet the girl of his dreams; me =D
The whole thing still bugged me yesterday when I texted him and thinking back about it, I asked him why did he propose to me right after we got together. His answer, he was over excited and he couldn't think of anything else. You can't really blame him for that. Only now I knew that he had a crush on for me for a long time before having the guts to "communicate" with me.
Still, I want to know if he was just desperate or over-excited.

Desperate or Over-excited? I

About two weeks ago, I was hanging out with my not single gal pals at school and we were complaining and telling each other about our boyfriends. So the three of us were just saying how cute and sweet and sometimes how annoying and irritating our boyfriends can be. Until, Charlotte told me Harrison almost got engaged(in marriage) with his ex before me. That he once took a bus from Kuching to Bintangor to, I assume, propose to her.
At first, I didn't believe it but Charlotte has never been wrong about things she's told me and he is the kind of guy who would do stuff like this. The whole thing bugged me a lot and I so badly wanted to ask Harrison about it. But I didn't ask him straight away. Instead, I let it out to Arine and she concludes that he is desperate to find love and that he is the desperate kind of guy. I guess it is true, he is the over-desperate kind of guy. Another proof of his love desperation would be from Worried on Relationship.

School's Out !!

I'm a day late but it's never too late. School is totally out! A month and a half of freedom!! I know I'm suppose to be excited but I'm totally not. I do need a break from all the studying, homework and tests but school is where I meet my friends and be away from my family. It's that safe place I go to when I have a bad night with my family. A place where not one image of them are present.
Well, I got a whole month and a half to be lazy and do nothing. Just wish I had the resources to do something, like friends and money. Friends; so I could have someone to do stuff with and money; to get whatever or wherever I need for the activity. Who knew school holidays would be boring. Whateves...

Dream Vacation 2013

I know I hate Selina Gomez yet I still watched Monte Carlo. Well, it's boring when there's only five of you in school. So, us girls watched Monte Carlo. About a girl who had just finished school and wanted to travel to Paris, France for a dream vacation. Then I thought, Why not I do my own dream vacation and take some of my gal pals with me? Total genius idea!
However, I don't know where to go and who to bring. But I do know I need to save up some money for that vacation trip. At first, I thought maybe Italy and all those European countries but they're all too expensive. Prague, maybe since it's the most gothic city. Or so I heard. It's not definite but I'm really hoping for this vacation trip. Hmm...what would he think of this? He might try to stop me like in the movie. I don't know. It's really my decision.

Missing Everyone

I'm gonna miss everyone. Especially the ones I was close to; Arine, Natasha and Avie. They're gonna be heading somewhere better for them. Some place worth the education they need. Well, things do turn out the way I predicted them. My friends all gone while I'm left to stay here. I never really did imagined myself as a famous and successful fashion designer. Though for everyone else, I imagined they would have the best time of their lives.
Seriously, these people were my whole world. I'd be nothing without them. It won't be easy finding "replacements" for them because I have never met anyone like them. I just wish we could reconnect again. Unfortunately, I'm the kind of person who doesn't look back on something that was way back in the past.

saying I Love You

'I Love You' is so hard to say. It is a simple phrase with three little words but it's a phrase that gives a huge meaning to someone. In my world, I have never heard or recall someone saying 'I Love You' to me, whether it's from any family member or friends. That's why it's really special to me when he says he loves me. It's not special when he says it ALL THE TIME!
What I hate the most is when I feel like he's saying it just to end our conversation on text. Most of the time, he's just saying it because he thinks he should. I get so annoyed, y'know. I like it when he sends it every now and then but it's just annoying when he sends it ALL THE TIME! Sometimes, I feel like he's the one who's more desperate for love, not me. I mean, I went online to look for guys but, him? He "proposed" some time after we got together! For God's sakes, man! Give me a few a years to get to know you. Then, pop the question. It's like marriage at first sight, not love at first sight.
What really makes me uncomfortable is when he expects me to say it. He's always just staring at me while he waits for the words to come out. He's always pressuring me to say it. I feel bad knowing I can't say it to him. But I feel worse when he's the one pressuring and expecting me to say it!