Just earlier, I was with G like always. What we always do is just the same, everyday. We meet, talk, laugh and kiss at the end of the day. We don't go off 'the limit' when we kissed. But where is the limit?
Several nights ago, I dreamt I was doing some work on my desk and he came from behind and kissed my neck. A few days after that, he really kissed my neck. I thought he went over the limit but I just let him because it wasn't anything bad and I really liked it.
Just earlier, I met with him again and we did what we always do. We had a great time, even when it rained. Under the rain, we kissed. When we kissed, he put his arms around my shoulder and waist and I held onto him tight. It was long, unimaginable and...intimate.
The intimate part was when he suddenly ran his hand down my shirt. I was surprised at what he did but I didn't do anything about it. The longer we kissed, the lower his hand went down my back. Something in my head just really wanted it to go down to my bra fastener but he didn't do it. When it was over, he told me he didn't know why he suddenly did that. He was afraid that I was mad at him but I reassured that I wasn't.
When is over the limit really 'over the limit'?
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Music Love
This actually came from performing on stage for my last year prefect dinner. Singing Taylor Swift's song on a guitar really made me different. Like everything else, the guitar gave me the inspiration to take up music lessons. Music gave me the confidence to be out there and just show the person inside me.
I guess G has also inspired me to keep playing and sing. Now, I'm just filling my time with playing my keyboard and guitar. And sometimes just tryin' to play a different song from different genres. To avoid a boring career, I'm now trying my hardest and my best to be the best in music. But I'm still in progress of trying to make a song.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sick and Tired
Ugh...sometimes I feel like an over-protective mother caring so much for Arine and G. But I'm only this way 'cos I love these two. The thing is, Arine and G are always not feeling well.
In class, Arine turns the ceiling fan off 'cos she can't stand the cold even if she does wear a sweater. Sometimes she gets a headache and I felt like it's my debt to her to be with her and talk about some stuff so she could release herself from her headache. It really helps her a lot when I'm around. I always remind her about her health and everything. Goes to show that I treasure her a lot.
G, on the other hand, is troubling himself about me. Normally we messaged each other every single day except that Sunday. He told me he did not sleep at all that night because he was too busy worrying himself that he might lose me since we got caught dating the Friday before. But it was my sister and she didn't tell my parents about us. This afternoon, he told me that he waited 'till 3 am for my message and he felt like he was gonna pass out. And he did when he reached home. I am so worried about him right now.
Being a best friend seems to be less hectic than being a someone's girlfriend. It's really worrying but it shows you care.
In class, Arine turns the ceiling fan off 'cos she can't stand the cold even if she does wear a sweater. Sometimes she gets a headache and I felt like it's my debt to her to be with her and talk about some stuff so she could release herself from her headache. It really helps her a lot when I'm around. I always remind her about her health and everything. Goes to show that I treasure her a lot.
G, on the other hand, is troubling himself about me. Normally we messaged each other every single day except that Sunday. He told me he did not sleep at all that night because he was too busy worrying himself that he might lose me since we got caught dating the Friday before. But it was my sister and she didn't tell my parents about us. This afternoon, he told me that he waited 'till 3 am for my message and he felt like he was gonna pass out. And he did when he reached home. I am so worried about him right now.
Being a best friend seems to be less hectic than being a someone's girlfriend. It's really worrying but it shows you care.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Kiss, Kiss
G is the one I now call the love of my life. It's been almost two weeks since we started dating but we kissed like crazy animals on the third time we went out.
It was a rainy day and we had nothing to do but hold in each other's arms. It was the first time I've ever had someone hold me tight like he did. Though I felt a little uncomfortable with him so close to me like that.
When the rain started to slow, he turned me around and put his arms around my waist. I just put my arms around his neck and started kissing him but it was fun. I told him I didn't like him holding me so tight around the waist. He let go of me, held my hand and I pulled him to kiss me.
His lips felt rough but also really wet. The guy really knows his lip action and I've learnt much from him. So much to say that his tongue did most of the action and he loved that I did the same. Whenever we kissed, my head always gives a visual of how the inside of our mouthes look like. That''s really weird...
It was a rainy day and we had nothing to do but hold in each other's arms. It was the first time I've ever had someone hold me tight like he did. Though I felt a little uncomfortable with him so close to me like that.
When the rain started to slow, he turned me around and put his arms around my waist. I just put my arms around his neck and started kissing him but it was fun. I told him I didn't like him holding me so tight around the waist. He let go of me, held my hand and I pulled him to kiss me.
His lips felt rough but also really wet. The guy really knows his lip action and I've learnt much from him. So much to say that his tongue did most of the action and he loved that I did the same. Whenever we kissed, my head always gives a visual of how the inside of our mouthes look like. That''s really weird...
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Worried on Relationship
Last night, he mentioned the most horrifying thing to me; more or less, about marriage. I silently freaked myself out (and not in a good way, either). I'm 15, currently dating but with no dating experience. My guy knows it but doesn't take this relationship step by step, instead of doing just that he went over a few steps which normal couples would think about after 2 to 3 years of dating. However, it only took him 2 to 3 nights! I know that he's 17, being that now is his last year in school and he's gonna get a career after graduation and will be needing a girl in his life but seriously, I can't be that girl!! I am totally freaking out and couldn't breathe at some point.
I love it that he always says 'I love you' and 'I miss you' all the time but please lah, I need some space! I don't need you to text me from morning to night. I'm starting to get annoyed with this but I still pity him. I really do love him but I can't make any promises and neither should he. I want the both of us to just enjoy a non-married life after graduation. I don't want to be home, sittin' with the baby, envying my single friends at the clubs and waiting on my guy late at night when I'm 21. No, I wanna be wild and free and do whatever a non-married 21 year old would do.
I haven't told him this but I will tomorrow. I guess I'm also tellin' him I don't wanna get married at all. Let's see how things go from here...
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Single? Nope...
A very quick update from my previous post, I am now in a relationship with G.
I was actually impatient that I didn't get any messages from him but I kept my cool 'cos I know he works part time after scfhool. When it was almost 6pm I messaged him 'cos I thought maybe he finished work already and we could casually message. He only replied a couple of hours later. We first said usual stuff like how everything's going and he suddenly asked me to send one of my pic in Facebook to his profile. I freaked a little but to the fact that I don't know which pic to send. I don't want it to be too pretty or too bad so I sent a pic of me in a black hood dress.
After that, he asked if I was single and I sensed that he was gonna ask me to be his girl. I just played along and acted dumb. In the first few messages he was, in a way, mumbling the words out as if he was panicked and feeling uncertain. He was also afraid I might reject him but I've convinced him otherwise. Just like that, he asked me and I said yes straight away.
On that same night, we gave each other simple pet names; he calls me Ayang, I call him Baby. We were so goo goo ga ga over each other the whole night. Different details I'll have to mention another day.
I was actually impatient that I didn't get any messages from him but I kept my cool 'cos I know he works part time after scfhool. When it was almost 6pm I messaged him 'cos I thought maybe he finished work already and we could casually message. He only replied a couple of hours later. We first said usual stuff like how everything's going and he suddenly asked me to send one of my pic in Facebook to his profile. I freaked a little but to the fact that I don't know which pic to send. I don't want it to be too pretty or too bad so I sent a pic of me in a black hood dress.
After that, he asked if I was single and I sensed that he was gonna ask me to be his girl. I just played along and acted dumb. In the first few messages he was, in a way, mumbling the words out as if he was panicked and feeling uncertain. He was also afraid I might reject him but I've convinced him otherwise. Just like that, he asked me and I said yes straight away.
On that same night, we gave each other simple pet names; he calls me Ayang, I call him Baby. We were so goo goo ga ga over each other the whole night. Different details I'll have to mention another day.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Someone...
Lets forget every guy I've ever blogged about. I don't want to remove the posts about them but I just want them forgotten. Honestly speaking, I sound like a pathetic loser blogging about guys who aren't mine and never had so much more talked to them. But it's also because of another guy. I wanna let it out but I don't know if the situation suddenly changes. I don't wanna lie or hurt myself by overwhelming myself on some guy. Though I am in love with Cody Simpson's voice :P
I'd give this guy a nickname like the other guys but people know that name already. I'll just call him G, then.
On Monday and Tuesday, he's sent me a lot of Facebook Message-via text. I don't really know him so well yet I just kept replying to him 'till my free RM15 credit finished. I did so 'cos I wanna socialize with him better just like I wanna socialize with others better. In those texts, he was so open and sweet I made giggles and had butterflies in my stomach. But that was 'cos he always called me 'my dear' and said 'sayang' to me. My heart leapt little.
When I told Arine and Natasha, Arine said he does like me and she knew by the way he looked at me. Natasha thinks it's possible 'cos he said 'my dear'and 'sayang' to me and asks me questions about myself. Actually, I had a felling he may have a crush on me last year but I ignored it 'cos I don't wanna be too prasan and it felt like it when he asked when my birthday is. No guy asks a girl -at that texting stage- when her birthday is. Now I'm just waiting for time set in...
I'd give this guy a nickname like the other guys but people know that name already. I'll just call him G, then.
On Monday and Tuesday, he's sent me a lot of Facebook Message-via text. I don't really know him so well yet I just kept replying to him 'till my free RM15 credit finished. I did so 'cos I wanna socialize with him better just like I wanna socialize with others better. In those texts, he was so open and sweet I made giggles and had butterflies in my stomach. But that was 'cos he always called me 'my dear' and said 'sayang' to me. My heart leapt little.When I told Arine and Natasha, Arine said he does like me and she knew by the way he looked at me. Natasha thinks it's possible 'cos he said 'my dear'and 'sayang' to me and asks me questions about myself. Actually, I had a felling he may have a crush on me last year but I ignored it 'cos I don't wanna be too prasan and it felt like it when he asked when my birthday is. No guy asks a girl -at that texting stage- when her birthday is. Now I'm just waiting for time set in...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Remembering Alejandro
*Alejandro
For the last several hours I've non-stop been thinking about him. I'm not sure how yet he's always in my head when I want to think back about when I went camping on Friday and Saturday.
When I opened my eyes, I just wanted to close them for a little while. Beneath my eyelids I saw him in my memory. It was so vivid and clear I thought he was really with me. Even now I can still remember the details of him I remembered this morning - he stood straight and steady in his usual half-uniform; dark blue pkbm tee, high-cut air force combat boots and air force trousers, his hands in his pockets like always, sharp stare and and cute, upset pout, curly mess-of-a-hair, long lashes.
If I were to remember him, I wouldn't remember him any other way but like this.
What I really love the most is when we exchanged opinions and thoughts from time to time, when sometimes he would stand beside me during kawad kaki and when he passed out some stuff and our fingers touched. I still remember those magical moments and senses, even though we don't know each other that well or even been called friends.
But because of that, I have these feelings towards him.
For the last several hours I've non-stop been thinking about him. I'm not sure how yet he's always in my head when I want to think back about when I went camping on Friday and Saturday.
When I opened my eyes, I just wanted to close them for a little while. Beneath my eyelids I saw him in my memory. It was so vivid and clear I thought he was really with me. Even now I can still remember the details of him I remembered this morning - he stood straight and steady in his usual half-uniform; dark blue pkbm tee, high-cut air force combat boots and air force trousers, his hands in his pockets like always, sharp stare and and cute, upset pout, curly mess-of-a-hair, long lashes.
If I were to remember him, I wouldn't remember him any other way but like this.
What I really love the most is when we exchanged opinions and thoughts from time to time, when sometimes he would stand beside me during kawad kaki and when he passed out some stuff and our fingers touched. I still remember those magical moments and senses, even though we don't know each other that well or even been called friends.
But because of that, I have these feelings towards him.
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