One week...

One week and ton of fun stuff to do. However, I've already wasted 2 days with video games and TV. Not your typical girl's day but that's me. I intend on skateboarding, painting my nails black, play guitar and go shopping but these include personal me time and some $cha-ching$.
What's worse is my Baby bunny is working for the week. I'm not sure if he meant working temporarily or really working kind of working. I am so worried about him because he works 'till late at night and sometimes he's left alone at where he works. I think worrying about not seeing him for the week is less important than worrying that he might get mugged during the night or get run over by a car when he's trying to cross the street.
I just miss him so badly! We haven't been okay since I suddenly freaked out three Tuesdays ago. It just didn't feel the same anymore. Now all I wanna do is make it up to him, somehow.

Love is all I know..

Dream Taker

*Ring

What does it mean when someone suddenly gives you a ring and puts it on your ring finger? It's not super-special; just a simple, plain ring. Thought, it was just a test ring. Y'know, just to see what ring size I use. I wonder what it means?

yea..:DD

Yeayer!! It's da holidays!!  Unfortunately, my ass and I are gonna sit and do nothing. I am cursed to stay at home to study for PMR right after the school-free week. Well, IF I study. When I'm not, I guess it's all guitar, keyboard and singing! YEA!!!
Wanna do lots of stuff but which first? And how to get some cash?? If I'm with Charlotte, we might be  goin' (my favorite hobby) SHOPPING!!! ...but I got no $$... A cheap activity would be dating with my Baby bunny but..he's not entirely free for the whole week. Damn, everything sucks!
Wish I had something fun to do...

:'(

I am so frustrated! I really can't believe I didn't get an A in my English paper... Never had I ever got anything than an A in that subject. It's my profession! English is the only one thing that I'm best at in class. I feel so horrible..
I guess I've been over-confident with myself. It's so stupid; just because I studied Maths right, I thought I could get through all the other subject well. Just wish I studied right. However my Maths were almost an A. It's just that I wrongly crossed the wrong answer. Careless mistake.
The only subjects that were almost an A were my Maths and KHB: PK. My English and BM are getting more worse. Geography, Science and Sejarah are just the same. All still above 50 marks. I have't got my Science paper but I predict my over-all result would be 4B's 3C's..
Oh dammit...

Today my life begins...

love's destiny

My Baby & Me

Thinking back about us, maybe our hearts have crossed before but we never really noticed it then.

I remember the first time I saw him, I felt...real love. However, I never really gave a damn 'cos I still had a crush on this one guy. But because he was so popular and well-liked, I had an interest in him.
I remember that I always, ALWAYS scolded him when we suddenly didn't have any KK activity just because he didn't want to. Getting angry was the only way I could connect with guys :P
I also remember he tried to be nice and goof around with me. But I was so serious, I got mad at him. Because he was so lovable, I only thought of him as a big brother but I always did fantasize us being together; sitting together, holding hands.

About two weeks before our PKBM camp at school, he has for the first time noticed me. And he fell in love  with me. During the camp, I had a strong feeling to approach him. To talk to him or something. I didn't know what that feeling was. My eyes were all on him, even though there was a hot guy there.
The week after that is when we got to know each other then got together.

Is this love really destined by God? Did God really made us soul-mates?

~Friend~ or ?Boyfriend?

I feel a lot of confusion and self-conflict right now.

I'm not really the kind of person who can give the same amount of attention to many people.

I always focus on one person and make them the most closest and dearest thing to me.

Before, my friends were the most important thing to me and nothing else matters.

Now, all my focus and attention is on my boyfriend.

I feel so ashamed and stupid that I've ignored my friends just so I could be with him.

Recently, I haven't talked with them much.

I guess, it's because I'm scared.

Scared they'll ignore, the same way I had ignored them.

What can I do to make it up to them?

I want to apologise but what is there to apologise for?

Talking to them wouldn't do much good.

Talking only makes it uneasy for me.

To be honest, I've been friends with them for the longest time possible.

But it doesn't mean that I feel so perfectly used to it.

I mean, I create a personal boundary for them.

And I keep to the limit that I've already set.

I guess, I'm scared that they would feel uneasy with me if I went over the bounds.

Every time I tried to pass those bounds.

The fear of being abandoned would come.

What can I do to change to it?

A note the ones I cherish most : I'm sorry for not being able to share the same amount of attention. I'm sorry for not being able treat each one of you well. I'm sorry for being the most horrible person in your life. I love you guys like treasured gold. I'll try to be more fair with everyone. Am I forgiven?

Falling Apart From You

I totally can't believe I freaked and gone whack! Kind of the same thing that happened a few months ago. When I went crazy maniac because of the cold rain. This time, I went ALMOST crazy because I felt abandoned by him. I felt so much emptiness ever since he came into my life. The emptiness for a close-friend relationship, not a gf/bf relationship. I just want my friends back. No matter how hard I try to talk to them I feel like there's a chain holding me back, and it's him. I just want my friends back but it'll cost him. Should I sacrifice him to get my friends back? I wish the answer was as easy as that.
I'd like to say yes, but I know he would do something reckless and stupid. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something horrible happened to him. I hate him but I also love him. If I ever said this to him, all he would think is 'She doesn't love me any more'. It's not hate or love,  just no more love. How can I make the message clear to him? What I'm trying to say is I love him so much with all my heart but I hate that our relationship broke that love. If possible, I want to break up with him but still stay with him. Stay close by his side. Its weird that I want to kiss him, hug him and hold his hand without being called his girlfriend. This relationship's commitment is making me scared.

What does BVB mean to me

Friend Dilemma II - Failing or Just Waiting

Comin' back to these two friends/strangers. It seems that this girl seriously tossed him like trash. Looks like she has no concern towards how he feels and if he's okay. I mean, he was sick because he was hurt emotionally, mentally and physically.When I told her'bout it she just responded as if it was some petty thing. This makes me feel so mad. What makes me furious is when she's gone back to her "groupies" that she didn't like. She complained all the time 'bout those guys the whole time she was with them but after he told her about how he feels, she turns a blind eye on us. Especially me! I'm really trying to help these two get back together as friends. It's kinda my fault they're like this. Now, I just wanna help. There's been a lot of friendship wrecks since I've been with them.
However, it's such a relief that he's getting stronger trying to forget her. Even when he knew she already has a boyfriend. My only advice to him now is just treat her like before. No need to try to apologise since she doesn't wanna listen, no need to depress since it's not healthy and no need to think about it since she doesn't have the littlest concern for him now. I don't want him to suffer her torment. My only advise to her is to just forget everything and be friends with him again. Don't be such a bitch la..sorry because I called you that but seriously, believe it!

Friend Dilemma I - Success in Progress

It seems there's been some progress between my girl and her online boy. Just earlier, she told that they commented on one of his status. It looked like a group conversation about hugging and cats. That was weird. However, it was so cute that when he said he would hug her if she was cold. Making it cheeky, he said if they were shirtless and hugging they'd feel warmer. OMGOSH!
Besides that, I think he really, REALLY likes her because he said about meeting her and taking her out for a date. Type of date: a walk in the park during the school holiday. It seemed so obvious that he wants to take her out since he asked when is the next school holiday. Boys are so like that. But I still think he's sweet since he's so nice and considerate about her. I mean, he treats her like no other guy has. Well, he's the first guy, besides her brother, to treat her in anyway that's so sweet.
I am so hoping they would turn out great. All my wishes to the happy "couple"=D

Friend Dilemma II

This case comes differently. A one week friendship turn awkward crush case between a sensible, good-natured guy and an almost-psycho-maniac, funny girl. Ironic, the guy likes the girl. Well, she's not so psycho; just laughs like crazy sometimes.
About a week ago, they became close after the guy wasn't friends with this other girl who he's always been close to. I really sensed some to-be-couple but turns out only the guy likes her. The girl, not so much. Her excuse, she doesn't feel right with her friend having a crush on her. So, I was wondering if she could explain how she's able to still be friends with her other guy friends who have a crushes on her. Now, the guy is mentally and emotionally hurt that he didn't went to school. All because she dropped him like trash. As if he was disposable.
I told him not to tell her his feelings but I couldn't stop anything. His mistake was that he texted her. Now, the situation comes to this; she's ignoring him and he's feeling moody and left out. He's trying to apologise to her and ask if they could be friends again but all she's doing is running from everything. I feel so disappointed and hurt. Why can't she just accept his apology and stop being such an ass to just for once take the situation seriously. Honestly, she's the one who's hurt his feelings.

Friend Dilemma I

Call it an online relationship between these two. Even though they're not really in a relationship but I can feel some cyber sparks between them.
My girl friend has been Facebook-ing with this high-class, rich dude online. I call him a modelling lawyer-doctor since he's part-time model, has finished medical studies and going for a degree in law. That's a lot for a guy who's only 18. Anyway, he's been nice to her and calls her wifey and stuff. I thought it was sweet. Especially when he always called her cute and nice. Even mentioned about meeting her if he could.
However, this piece of shit suddenly falls for another girl just because of her enormous, plastic boobs. Those things bounce like water balloons. Just as my friend and this guy were commenting, this bitch suddenly comes in and catches his eye. Then says he's in love with this bitch but likes my friend. Dude! What's with your mental state?! I can't believe this guy even has a wife list. Now, he's making crap about that balloon-boob bitch.
I feel so hurt that this guy drops my friend like garbage. If I ever had a chance to meet him, I'd beat the life outta him. I'm so pissed right now.