~Oopsies~

I take it back. My return relationship did last more than 24 hours.
Gosh, I am silently crushed thinking about it! I've been thinking for a while - wondering what I did wrong until he asked for a second break-up - and thought maybe it's because of the little things that I didn't do. I mean, he called me 'Ayang' and all that sweet stuff but I didn't call him 'Baby' and, instead, treated him like a friend. Either that or it could have been his cousin who has been texting me. I don't know.
I'm not sure of anything when it comes to him now. Well, it's my fault anyway. I led him on when I was dealing with the whole school transfer situation; undetermined decision, whether I should stay or go. Sometimes I feel like he's tricking me into some kind of "girlfriend test" or what.

I feel a hint of suspicion coming on. What's his game, anyway?

Shortest back-together Relationship

Three days ago, I had missed calls from Timothy or Harrison - I don't know which, they used the same phone. The next day, I answered one of the call, don't know why I did. It was him; Harrison. We talked and joked, made puns and laughed. It was nice talking to him and hearing his voice again.
In the middle of the conversation, he asked if I wanted to get back together with him XD but dammit I couldn't understand what he meant 'cos here we use the term return. I was thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking until he told me straightforward. I didn't give him an answer. So we continued to talk for a bit then, hung up. Moments later, I texted him my answer; yes. He wasn't excited but happy.
Then yesterday, after my class, we texted for a while, then he asked for another break up. Only this time, it's because he didn't want to distract me from my studies AND he said we should stay as BFF's - at least until I finish school.

length of my return relationship: around 18 hours

Late Magic Fingers

I wouldn't describe them as "magic" but more of skillful. Well, that and an average brain.
I'm not bragging but I'm surprised I could play the piano so well, draw spontaneously beautiful motifs  and occasionally write amazing literary works. I always thought myself of an averagely achieved person; insignificant enough not to shine a spot light on.
Hmm...I have met other people who, I believe, deserve to be in the lime light or some attention even though the things I admire them for are small things. Like this one girl I know who can make a killer nail art design. And another person who has an admirable optimism but is looked down on because of some bitchy gossip.
But then again, I'm easily impressed by other people. That's because all my childhood I've been feeling degraded because of some so-called "silly" comments by family members. Also, because there's a common obstacle who has constantly restricted by outside activity just because I'm a girl and that person also feels degraded because their own past life.

Backaches and Headaches

I've become my sister; I have backaches like a 70-year old woman. Thanks to my sucky mattress and "brutal" PKBM exercises yesterday. But, I'll live. Nobody dies of back problems - except for Bella from Twilight.
Headaches: mild migraines here and there. I can't say how bad for Arine, yesterday. When she sat on the ground, she suddenly screamed. Gosh, she has one of her terrible migraines, again. It's a good thing she got her meds in her bag and her granddad was already there to pick her up.
*sigh* I feel sad she had to endure all that pain. She shouldn't hold it in or else it'll turn out like yesterday. I'm glad she didn't come to school today. Best for her to get some rest at home than to add up her stress in school.

Eat, Love, Pray

Not exactly the same order like the book and movie Eat, Pray, Love but that is exactly how mine is like.
Eat: I 've eaten everyday since I was born, nothing special about it. Though living here in Kuching has it's perks with the variety of food and flavours. It's like a rainbow of tastes on your tongue.
One of the things I like to eat here is the Sarawak laksa, an incredible mix of sour and spicy tastes. I just love this state!
Love: I've had my fair share of little schoolgirl crushes in primary school and puppy love stalking in early secondary school life. I've never had any boyfriends, because I was too young and immature for that kind of matter.
Hmm...hehehe...Honestly speaking, I was technically 14 and half when I fell - or tripped - in love with the loving and amazing Harrison. I didn't think of it seriously while we were together, even though he has showed me how serious he was about me.
Pray: I'm not one to be religious, especially when I'd turned the age of 12. I skipped church for almost a month because I was depressed when Harrison broke up with me. I still prayed but only for him. The person I'm most worried about is him that's why.

Moment in Need

It wasn't really one of my most vulnerable moment but, I totally needed him in my mind.
My mom took me to Pathlab to get a blood test. I was kinda nervous about it 'cos there's gonna be needles. And it sort of hurts. When the worker there took my blood, my mom told me not to look at it and look somewhere else. It helped - for like 2 seconds. But then, I heard Harrison's voice in my head telling me to calm down. So, I did.
Gosh, hearing his voice again was so heart-warming. Thinking of him, hearing his voice and seeing his face in my memories, it's just so...unbelievably blissful.
Yeah, it's not wrong for me to miss my ex. It's never wrong to miss someone. It's just wrong when someone tells you you're weak for missing that person.

Exhausted!

I..was..so..exhausted earlier today. It may not have been the worst cramps and exhaustion that I've ever experienced but it was...I don't know. I haven't felt that since July last year.
Why was I exhausted and cramping? Well, during Valentine's Day my plan was to give him a special gift even though I haven't had the slightest clue what to give to him. Sadly, it rained heavily for two days. But not today. Today, I had everything ready and a plan in my head; how to get there, what time was suitable and what not. I was so ecstatic! Even though I wasn't giving it to him face-to-face. My heart was pumping so hard and my confidence sky-rocketing into space.
However, the effort was all in vain. Why? Because there was someone in front of his house and I didn't want anyone seeing me there. Ugh..I feel so disappointed! I've been meaning to do something really nice for him and I blew the one chance I got.
Ermm, tomorrow is going to be a month he and I are broken up. Hehh..I didn't realise it has only been a month. I thought by now it should've been August. Bodoe..

These Rainy Days

It makes me feel nostalgic. It remind me of all those times I played in the rain and the times I lay under my blanket pretending to be in a fortress. Most of all, it reminded me of all the times when he and I would give each other imaginary hugs from our phones whenever we texted during the cold and rainy days like today. I could really feel the warmth, so calming and soothing. Who wouldn't like a nice hug during rainy days? Hehe..I even lay in bed while texting him and imagined we were cuddled together.

Sweet memories =D

Tears rolling down my eyes...

Omgosh...I'm just crying while listening to this song. Also, I just really miss him after I opened my facebook and saw some of his status updates. Haiya..a month without him feels so long. I thought it has been months since we've broken up but it's only been almost a month. Dah la yesterday was Valentine's Day, worse still I was haunted by the sight of couples here and there.
I really don't feel anything but under the circumstances, there is a lot of emotions going on in me. I mean, he was one of my best friends and losing a best friend is a lot worse. Gosh, I just really miss him and I know there's not much that I can do to bring him back into my life. Now, it's all up to him and God.

Bitten by a Dog

Damn it!!!!! AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Earlier, there was this stupid dog that bit me for no reason. I know they're around for protection but please la, leash that damn thing before yougo out. The owner pun one kind! Just left the dogs to attack me and stare at me like what. Fuck in hell this man. Mentang-mentang la live in the rich area, think they can do whatever they want and not take responsibility. Butt-face idiots.
Now, I have a dog bite on my right leg and a sprained ankle. I'm so mad right now!!

Casual Yuppies of Gapor

This is how I define yuppies: they are rich, snobbish and pretentious hypocrites mainly among girls with high-class parents.
I can say I've describe several of them in school even though they're not in power suits, but I'm sure they're parents are and someday they would, too. Ugh, I can't say how much I loathe these people. They are just so...urgh! They don't talk to anyone unless they have to show charity to the lower-class and not the 'In' crowd people.
Some days I ask myself, Why did I ever want to be part of those desperate status-seekers.
I won't say names but these guys exists in groups. Mostly, you can find them in my school's Interact Club, Pathfinder Club, Handball Team, LEO Club and St. John Ambulance unit. These yuppies are mostly Chinese - rich or poor, pretty or ugly - and those who can speak Chinese - rich status-seekers.

Miss You BFF

Haiya...I seriously have a lot in mind lately. It's all piled up 'cos I don't have anyone to tell about it. Geez..I really miss and need my best friend right now. Sadly, Arine is away in a boarding school which she came to hate. Hmm..if I really did went to SMV Matang, could she be able to transfer there? Well, no use for that now since I'm in a regular school.
Good gosh, I didn't realise we were going through the same situation. I wish I could take her somewhere and just spend some time together. But, I'm too cowardly to hang out with her outside of school. I guess I'm too used to being around her in school than out if school. Well, there's always Lorenzo to break the silence. Maybe next time.