Rip in my Soul

Right before sundown, I had this sinking and depressing feeling. I felt tired, alone and abandoned. Even though I was in the company of my family. My entire soul felt disturbed.
When I got home and was really left alone, I was close to being high on ecstasy.  The sound of my quiet, lonely little home made me feel better - but incomplete.
The hole in my soul was immense when I felt abandoned but shrunk slightly when I was really alone. I kept relating that empty feeling to Harrison.
Before I went camping, the sadness of his absence was less but after that, the emptiness just increased. I need him in the only way he could ever help me go through. Sadly, for me, the decision to help me is in his hands and not mine.

JUST...

I'm at home, alone, wearing ONLY my purple buttoned-up checkered shirt

Sick to my Stomach

Ugh...headaches...nausea...stress...3-in-1 package of pain.
I keep feeling like I'm gonna throw up - like a pregnant woman. I'm considering to take those pain meds for my headache but they just taste bad and I just took them a while ago.
I think this 3-in-1 package of pain is a side effect from my "identity-loss" ordeal. Some kiddy bitches stole my wallet that has my identity card, ATM card, health insurance card, student card and the RM68.60 that I've been saving. I suspected this one chick but the teacher couldn't find anything on her.  Just this afternoon, after school, she walked pass me and stared at the ground with a somewhat guilty face. No doubt she or her gang stole my wallet.
When you really think about it, why take the whole wallet? If it's the money you want, why take the whole thing instead of JUST the money?

Cramps and Camp

I just came back from camping at school. As usual I got cramps from the activities held like senaman pagi, kawad kaki and jalan laju. I couldn't feel the cramps when my body's relaxed but it's really painful when I stretch my muscles.
Still, camping at school was fun =) HEHE =3 especially when Harrison came >_< he looked so CHUBBY and CUTE!!!!!!!! I couldn't stop myself from looking at him!! He's just so adorable like a giant, huggable, fluffy teddy bear!! SO GERAM right now! I really, really, REALLY want to hug him!
So sayang I didn't bring my camera ='( If I did, I would've posted pictures on this blog using pages. So soi !

Drama Epic Fail !

I like putting make-up on people!! Even though I don't use make-up on myself..o.0 My best work was Leon's lion make up; he looked adorable =3 then, there was Charlotte's make- up; all glittery and metallic like a fairy-godmother ;P hehe..
However, make-up won't win us first place or best actor/actress or best script. And yet again, SMK Batu Lintang - as always for the past 5 years - won every category. So damn I didn't watch their performance. I really wanted to see how they did it.
The judge's comment on our play was that the whole thing was sort of copyrighted...and it was wrong for us to follow everything on it, even if it was a "sequel". Our performance was okay...but the actors still can't keep their backside away from the audience. Also, our props were too many and they were a little poorly done.
That's all I can say. AND MY MAKE-UP ARE GOOD!!! YEA..

Caking up some faces

Tomorrow I'll be dolling up some actors for the drama. The problem is I don't have the make-up that I'll need. Luckily, tomorrow is just rehearsal on stage. On Wednesday is the real thing!
I have the whole idea on how the make up should be. The characters; Dorothy, Zeke, Hickory, Glinda and Elpahaba would need some elaborate and bright make up which will enable the audience to see their facial expressions. It's gonna be explosive!
Ugh, I'm getting headaches; like the time I'm supposed to direct. I think I'm not the type to handle pressure so well. My mental and physical state are always failing.

Emotion Troll

The other night, I don't know where I got the guts to ask him if he still missed me. It was a sudden feeling - also, I REALLY wanted to kiss him. Before I sent the text, I prepared myself as if I was preparing to throw a hand grenade. I pressed sent, I panicked and tossed my phone on my bed from the door and shut the door as quickly as I could and ran to my kitchen hiding under the table waiting for it to explode. <---- Bodoh
I didn't want to check for replies immediately. I came back half an hour later, hoping for a scaredy-cat response but only to find a NO. I was hurt and heartbroken - for the third time - the whole night.
Until late at almost 10pm, I had 1 text saying he was just kidding and 11 missed calls. I was so pissed when I read the text! But excited and fluttery at the 11 missed calls. Aww...he still cares about me =3

Dance Workshop

I went to a dance workshop this morning at a place called Tyng Dance Academy. The type of dances they had were KPop, hip-hop, LA style, ballet and Latin dance.
I didn't want to take the whole thing, just the hip-hop, ballet and Latin dance. But I only managed to go for the KPop and hip-hop. I didn't like KPop 'cos it was too cute for me and I hate KPop. Hip-hop was pretty cool, even though the moves were so gangsta, tough and tomboy. Well, that's my style =) However, LA style was similar to hip-hop but you don't follow the beat, you follow the lyrics. Which was a little hard for me to understand 'til I left half way, also 'cos the instructor spoke 100% Mandarin - and I didn't understand a word he just said.
All I can say is this: HIP-HOP ROCKS!!!!!

Things To Do

Things to for me to do immediately but some I don't bother to care:

1. P. Moral kerja kursus
2. Chemistry kerja kursus
3. English essay to be published
4. Theatre make-up to buy
5. Self-train for Sport's Day
6. Go to the doctor
7. Prep for PKBM camping

And so on so forth....

Brother-Sister

At school, in this country, at this sort of era, it seems to be common for youngsters like me to have a sort of "sibling relationship" with those unrelated to us, whether they be older or younger than us.
I don't have any, though. Since I don't associate well with anyone older or younger than me.
I feel uneasy calling Harrison abang and him calling me adik. He calls me adik for quite a while now, even though we don't think of each other as siblings.
I remember I once told him that I thought of him as an older brother. Two years ago, I had this attraction towards him, a wanting to be good friends and - if possible - to be able to call him my brother, since I've always wished I had an older brother when I was younger.
Last year, I realised why I thought of him that way; he was caring and protective like an older brother. He was also nice to hug; like a giant, lovable teddy bear. That's why my other nickname for him was teddy bear =3

Melodramatic Drama

I really hate those drama teachers. They said I was too "bossy" when I was supposed to be the stage manager/director. They even said "You were quiet bossy yesterday and today, you just proved to us that you are much worse than yesterday" and that was the day after they put me as stage manager/director. Can you believe that?!?!
What a fucking bitch!! I mean, c'mon a stage manager is supposed to tell people what to do. What did she expect? What? She wants me to baby talk to them????
Words can't really express how angry and frustrated I was at her. I got a bad headache, flu and fever because of her!!!