the last of this blog

My whole year of 2012 has not been my best but at the end of the month of December I am close to satisfaction.
I don't know what it was but I feel as if I should start over a different chapter of my life.
I don't yet know how but I'm starting with ending this blog without deleting and starting a new one that won't have crap that I've put in here.
I've also decided to write in a new journal recorded with things worth mentioning. A private diary will be made to accumulate any feelings I can't let out.
In aspect of my social life, I'm not so sure about it. I thought of ignoring my friends and become a hermit but it seems unkind to do that to them.
Anyway, the first post in my new blog will be on the 1st of January 2013 either in a blogger account blog or outside.

I don't miss you

After a long pondering thought about how I didn't like what my friends did before and re-evaluating my feelings, I only realized it yesterday, that I don't miss anyone at all. Not my friends, my family, my ex that I used to obsess about and not even my cute cats.
When I don't meet with someone for a period of time, I still remember them but I don't miss them because there is something about the situation that says "We might never meet again" and sometimes it says "They have found a new friend and it looks like they don't need you anymore". That's how it is to me all these years. They went away 'cos they can't stay and they found a new better half.
Sometimes I think this is the reason I was born: to be temporary friends to people so they are able to find others who fit them better. What good is it that I have friends anyway? It's not like I have actual feelings.

That crappy things about DiGi

1) Its coverage is not like its slogan "I will follow you" which it doesn't
2) Some numbers are copied or 1-digit different from another number
3) Its plan are the second most expensive

Cut Off and Ignored

Maybe it has been going on my whole life and I just didn't notice it before.
Thereare reasons why I don't talk.
1) Whatever that comes out of my mouth nothing good ever comes of it
2) The person I'm trying to talk to doesn't even realize I'm talking to them
3) The first sentence out of my mouth always gets cut off
4) People just don't listen and they're not even worth it
Besides, to them nothing I say is ever important or significant or worth anything so I don't have to waste any energy moving my mouth. Also, I like listening to all the dopes pouring out their minds on me. One way or another, I usually find a way to connect between the stories and maybe found some gossip that I don't have to share with the douches of the world.

Internet Inconvenience

Over the past year, I've been looking for an online Goth clothing or just a simple clothing with Gothic items. Obviously, I tried to look for them online since I don't go out much. I have found a few but most don't ship out internationally and some aren't found here in Sarawak. But sometimes, the sites are just so stupid they don't work.
Earlier I found a site for the Gothic clothing store in Kuala Lumpur but the shitty sight just rotates around and gives really bad links. It's stuff like this on the web that really pisses me off.

The only blog post i hate

...posts that starts with "you know that feeling *bla bla bla* I hate it so much" then they don't say what the problem is.

Humiliatingly bold

I'll cut to the chase, I just sent a stupid relationship request to my ex through Facebook. It's a stupid move I saw on a TV show called Awkward. If rejects it, then I'll be thinking to myself "so what? I was just goofing around" but if he somehow by heaven's power accepted the request, then I will be speechless.

Why

As much as I hate the two douches I dated, I still get jealous when I see their status as 'in relationship' with someone else, especially if they're prettier than me. It really feels as if they never ever truly want me and I was dispensable to them. Its as if I never meant anything to them whereas they meant a lot to me.
I just feel really upset and I don't know how to get myself out of this miserable ditch. I don't know how to get myself back to being enthusiastic, energetic and...alive without depending on anyone. I felt powerful and strong. Before 6 May 2011, I felt like the world was in my hands, a road was made for me and my life was limitless. After that fateful day, everything was limited to me by one person.
But, I'm very used to hating people and being miserable because of it. So I don't really beat myself up for it.

Fuck the Mainstream

The simple intro of how and why I got sucked into the goth subculture:~
1. How old were you when you heard of the goth subculture?
~> I was probably ten or eleven years old, when I got bored of Hannah Montanna and the colour pink.
2. Why did you decide to become a goth?
~> Inspiration from fictional characters and because I like the fashion. Reasons in terms of music came a little later. I also thought I would be better off as a goth than be a mainstream kid like everyone else.
3. Who were the characters and musicians that inspired you into this subculture?
~> The fictional characters are from cartoons and novels; Sam Manson from Danny Phantom, Creepie Creeher form Growing up Creepie and Raven Madison in Vampire Kisses. The musicians would be Amy Lee from Evanescence and Avril Lavigne.
4. What do you like as a Goth?
~> Obviously, I like standing out in my dark and bold clothes. The music is not always heard around me so sometimes it feels like its specially made just for me.

That's the Fun Fact of simple me

The 'me' that no one really want to accept

What do I mean by this?

*Well it simply means I have a different self that I know no one really wants to see or hear about

And this person reads vampire books, love Gothic clothes and Hardcore rock music 

This person loves black roses even though its meant for funerals

She also loves lip piercings, tattoos and red/amber colour contact lenses

She also wants to wear torn up T-shirts, corsets and black leather boots

Last, this person is a member of VampireFreaks.com

~>The End<~