Merdeka Day!!

Today is the most patriotic day of all days - except Malaysia Day, of course. BTW, there's a difference between the two. I sense this year isn't as joyous as the years before. It's almost like Merdeka Day is non-existent. No banners, no parades, no news, nothing.
However, the opening ceremony for Merdeka Day in school was pretty awesome. I mean, I cried when I watch the video recorded on Merdeka Day 55 years ago. I guess I had a  secret realization of how grateful I was being born in a more peaceful time where I don't have to cower before stepping outside my house or witness someone being shot dead just because he didn't listen orders by British soldiers or move around the whole country because my dad'sin the army.
I'm really blessed to have the privilege my parents didn't have all those years ago. The examples I'd given, it all happened to my parents. Though, it would be cool to experience just a little bit of those.

I Still Think About You (Dumb*ss)

It's been months since we broke up and weeks since I last saw you. I really wished you never existed because then, I wouldn't be suffering with your broken promises and false memories. But for you to stop existing, you'd have to die and I don't want you to be dead. So now, I dwell in regrets that I ever told you to continue Form 6 because I Hate You more, now. I can't express in words how much I loathe you and no actions can describe how much hurt you left inside me when you didn't keep your promises to me while I still kept my promises to you. I hate you Harrison Linang!!!!

Home Alone Teen

It's kinda boring when you're alone. And silent. I kind of prefer to be alone but there's no drive to do anything. I mean, I'm used to be asked to do something and I'm always kept busy. Right now, I still keep myself busy without the stupid stress from my mom and sister but it just feels like nothing was done.

It feels weird that my mom lets me stay at home alone. Unlike last year where she insisted my grandma come and babysit me. It still makes me pissed thinking about it.

Though, this year, she starts leaving me alone at home while she indulges herself with her damned new house. Ordinarily, I am this house's and pet's babysitter and cleaner while the rest of my family are away.I don't complain about being alone. I just don't like that my mom never tells me anything and just walks out on me. Everyone around me are like that. And it makes me so pissed sometimes. They always say I don't know anything but how am I supposed to know anything when no one tells me anything.

Well, I'm going back to doing something that feels like doing nothing.

My Complicated On-Off Relationship

Yeah, my relationship can get complicated. I mean, I am dating a sweetheart playboy, so I should be expecting complications.
I did and I wasn't surprised or shocked when he told me he was seeing someone else besides me. It didn't bother me at all. Why should it? We live far apart so it's easy for the other to cheat or whatever. Though, I don't cheat, especially in serious things like relationships.
Even though he cheated (to me it doesn't really count), I didn't care. But it does hurt when he displays it where I can see it, just not so much.
Y'know, it's kind of funny when he tries to break up with me but the break up doesn't last long. Earlier, he did because he was seeing another girl and he thought this relationship couldn't go on long. 20 minutes later, he attempts to call me and text me but to no avail, since I didn't think he wanted to text back. When I called him, I laughed because he said he missed me. I totally expected that. He said he was in a lot of stress and that he was depressed, so he called. Just to say he misses me.
We talked his stress out and we got back together. During the 20 minute break up I thought, I should change my relationship status but I should probably wait until tomorrow to see if he's gonna me call tonight and ask for a return relationship. AND it totally did.
*sigh* I know him too well ;D

Personal RnR

Tomorrow is Monday and Monday means school. But then, I'm going along my night as if I don't go to school. Recently, I can feel my weekdays shorten and my weekends lengthen. Coming back to the weekday, I've forgotten everything I've ever done and learned at school. As if it was a time from a distant past. Suddenly, my timing on everything has changed.

Relationship Relapse

My second relationship is totally like my first relationship. The difference is, the worst parts are multiplied 5 times more than my previous relationship's problems. But then, at some point I don't really care and change back into a dumb love struck moron.
Seriously, this is a relapse of my previous relationship. Date the half-assed sweetie, get love struck, get mad at the ass, then get back into the love struck mod, then back into getting mad. Soon, the cycle goes on over and over until it reaches to sudden brick wall on the road with a stupid break-up.
Gosh, I'm like my dad in these relationship stuff. Unlucky in love.... -_-"

Sakit Hati

If translated directly, it means pain heart. But it's a term here used when one feels very offended. And right now, I am actually very offended. I know it looks like I'm blogging just to complain about my life and I think i am. Seriously, here is the only place I feel comfortable saying all of these things out.
I guess I should have expected it, but it is something I never wanted to expect. I mean, I'm "dating" a half-assed playboy, half-heart sweetie. But he's mostly a half-assed playboy. He talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk. He keeps saying he'll be faithful to me and that he cares for only me. But, come on, it's all talk. That's why I don't see the relevance in believing everything he says.  Seriously, right now, he's talking dirty to some slutty bitch somewhere. I know 'cuz right now, he's (Kolony term) BOMM-ing with some slutty bitch. He's always BOMM-ing with some slut from somewhere.
Why?? WHY am I always attracted to half-assed jerks?

Overwhelmed!! T.T

I am close to tears T.T when I looked up online for the latest Vampire Kisses novel. It so happens that the latest installment is the last installment of the series. I am close to breaking because I don't have it and the other previous titles I don't have. Maybe I should ask my dad for his credit card so I could get it online. Or maybe my mom, since she buys her books online. I am also desperate for the manga version titled Blood Relatives
Aside from my vampire fantasy books, I also want the werewolf fantasy novels : Once in a Full Moon, Magic of the Moonlight and Full Moon Kisses. I am in desperate need of these because I am so bored out with other things and other books. Also because I will cry in my sleep with the haunting thoughts if these books' absence in my shelf.
For my 16th birthday, all I want are these books!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It doesn't get any easier to blog when your sister tells you that your dad reads your blog. It doesn't get weird in real life but its weirdER in my online life.