Why

As much as I hate the two douches I dated, I still get jealous when I see their status as 'in relationship' with someone else, especially if they're prettier than me. It really feels as if they never ever truly want me and I was dispensable to them. Its as if I never meant anything to them whereas they meant a lot to me.
I just feel really upset and I don't know how to get myself out of this miserable ditch. I don't know how to get myself back to being enthusiastic, energetic and...alive without depending on anyone. I felt powerful and strong. Before 6 May 2011, I felt like the world was in my hands, a road was made for me and my life was limitless. After that fateful day, everything was limited to me by one person.
But, I'm very used to hating people and being miserable because of it. So I don't really beat myself up for it.