Falling Apart From You

I totally can't believe I freaked and gone whack! Kind of the same thing that happened a few months ago. When I went crazy maniac because of the cold rain. This time, I went ALMOST crazy because I felt abandoned by him. I felt so much emptiness ever since he came into my life. The emptiness for a close-friend relationship, not a gf/bf relationship. I just want my friends back. No matter how hard I try to talk to them I feel like there's a chain holding me back, and it's him. I just want my friends back but it'll cost him. Should I sacrifice him to get my friends back? I wish the answer was as easy as that.
I'd like to say yes, but I know he would do something reckless and stupid. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something horrible happened to him. I hate him but I also love him. If I ever said this to him, all he would think is 'She doesn't love me any more'. It's not hate or love,  just no more love. How can I make the message clear to him? What I'm trying to say is I love him so much with all my heart but I hate that our relationship broke that love. If possible, I want to break up with him but still stay with him. Stay close by his side. Its weird that I want to kiss him, hug him and hold his hand without being called his girlfriend. This relationship's commitment is making me scared.