~Friend~ or ?Boyfriend?

I feel a lot of confusion and self-conflict right now.

I'm not really the kind of person who can give the same amount of attention to many people.

I always focus on one person and make them the most closest and dearest thing to me.

Before, my friends were the most important thing to me and nothing else matters.

Now, all my focus and attention is on my boyfriend.

I feel so ashamed and stupid that I've ignored my friends just so I could be with him.

Recently, I haven't talked with them much.

I guess, it's because I'm scared.

Scared they'll ignore, the same way I had ignored them.

What can I do to make it up to them?

I want to apologise but what is there to apologise for?

Talking to them wouldn't do much good.

Talking only makes it uneasy for me.

To be honest, I've been friends with them for the longest time possible.

But it doesn't mean that I feel so perfectly used to it.

I mean, I create a personal boundary for them.

And I keep to the limit that I've already set.

I guess, I'm scared that they would feel uneasy with me if I went over the bounds.

Every time I tried to pass those bounds.

The fear of being abandoned would come.

What can I do to change to it?

A note the ones I cherish most : I'm sorry for not being able to share the same amount of attention. I'm sorry for not being able treat each one of you well. I'm sorry for being the most horrible person in your life. I love you guys like treasured gold. I'll try to be more fair with everyone. Am I forgiven?