helpless..useless..worthless

it's one of those days when you feel so helpless when there was someone in need. especially when that someone is a person you care about the most. this helpless feeling always leads to us to feel useless because we were unable to do anything. then, there is that self-worthless feeling. when you think you can't help or do anything, you feel as if you are of no worth. i know that feeling, because i feel it almost everyday but sometimes not in this particular order. some days i feel helpless and other days i feel useless. but everyday, i feel worthless.
this is my circle of life. people come and go. leaving me without an honest word on their mouths. giving me days i haven't done enough. i always feel worthless. because everyone leaves me; at a corner, in a room and wandering hopelessly in my mind. for no reason whatsoever, everyone alienates me for being silent; the little weird girl with sad eyes.
the way others had treated me affects my way of thinking and emotions. i think of dark and gruesome things because the normal things in life are boring. i like black because it's different and everyone said i was different. i like being sad because my parents always gave me shattering hopes and dreams. being mean is just my way of showing that i'm not good for you. nice has never been enforced in my life positively. they tell you to do nice things but never show you how to do nice things.